Animal Crossing: Happy Home Desinger review

It’s gonna be one of THOSE days.

Well, it seems like Nintendo, former face of gaming, now on Amiibo life-support, has defecated another “Gem” on the face of the earth. Said “Gem” takes you from being a young, impressionable turd neck deep in Mortgage to an Interior home designer. Animal Crossing: Crappy Chrome Chresinguh.

 

DUH STORY

Now, normally I’d go on a small tangent about the plot and whatnot, but we’re not dealing with an MGS-esque story here. It’s Animal Crossing. You move in, make war, make peace, make war and peace, get the cheese, and repeat until you inevitably get bored of it and start playing GTA or something. Except this time,  You now barge into peoples’ houses and start splurging your “Creative” sense all over the house in a style that wouldn’t be out of place on an HGTV show. And that’s really it. I mean, sure, there’s the plot-point about the Racoon Mobster and gulf,  and there’s the inter-species relationship  with the otter chick, but, other than that, that’s really it. Moving on

 

DUH GRAPHICS

 

 

Really real fanart of Animal Crossing: Happy Home Designer. Not from anything else. Nope.

In An Cross: Hap Home Des, it’s the pretty much the same thing as usual. This game’s good at that. It’s the same cutesy , Anime-esque, Obnoxiously colourful style of graphics it’s had since day 1. In fact, I’m pretty sure that the dark and edgie game sometime along will still be just Japanese enough to make you eyes bleed. It’s actually kinda sad when you begin to use the name of an entire race of people to describe a certain style. Anyway, that’s it. Again. It’s, once again, in the same style as the original and all it’s predecessors. But don’t worry. This game isn’t a TOTAL waste of time and money (Though it comes close). The department where it shines in is…

DUH GAMEPLAY

You see, the game can be summarized into a 7 word sentence. “Interior design until you get the dough.” It’s basically just throwing crap at the wall and seeing what sticks.You can design all you want, but in the end all you really need is an ice painting to tie the room together. And then you move onto the next unlucky piece of doggy doo to get thrown your way. So really, this game job is kinda like real world job. You get to do the same thing over and over again until you do one of two things. You either A) Wander the desert for 40 years looking for the answer, or B) Go mad and do some ludicrous thing to get you Killed, Thrown in prison, or eating pig feces after eating the pig. Though to be realistic, I’m sure your best options include the pig feces.

DUH CONCLUSION

 

$40 and 18 hours of my life I’ll never get back for THIS?!

In conclusion, this game is is pretty much HGTV, the shallow licensed/Crossover video game that no one ever asked for. Although this game is a well placed departure from the rest of the series, the aesthetic is still there, and, to be honest with you, it’s both a blessing and a curse. I mean, sure, it’s not the BEST idea to just change everything out of the blue, *Cough Sonic Cough* But it’s also not a good idea to stick the same routine everytime. *Cough Mario Cough* But even though this holds the game back just a bit, I don’t even WANT to get started on the Amiibo cards. *shiver*
Okay ratings time:

Story: 2 scantily clad Isabelle fanart outta 5
Graphics: 2 and a half collector’s edition 3DSs outta 5
Gameplay: 3 and a half pig feces covered Amiibo Cards.

All in all this game get 3 unhappily designed home outta 5.

See ya next week.
-Billy-_-

FNAF series review

Fnaf’s usual brand idiocy and cringe

The FNAF series has gathered the hearts of many through its not even Two-years-old life.
From 12-Years-old boys to furries. To conspiracy theorists to people who just make FNAF videos just to make a quick buck. From people from America, to the UK, to Isreal, To North Korea, the FNAF series has made its mark across the globe as a well loved game series. So let’s hop onto the band-wagon and look into what is the video game equivalent to “The Cake is A Lie” memes, Shall we?

FNAF 1

Starting off strong is the Diarrhea Aircraft Carrier to the Diarrhea Naval Force. In the OG Five nights at Freddy’s, You’re a loser guided by another loser who dies later on in Charles Manson’s Chuck E. Cheese. On the first night, You have to watch two robots in fursuits on a Chinese iPad that can’t even connect to the internet. In Layman’s terms, look at a screen, shine a light, occasionally shut a door, and you’re good to go. The second night attempts to up the ante by adding Usain Bolt’s dog, but his pattern soon becomes predictable and easy to counter attack. Then the third night adds the Fazster himself, and your whole weekend is wasted. And that’s it. I mean, sure, there’s Freddy’s Urine stained twin brother, but he’s not important in this game. At least, he was until…

FNAF 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

Another generation, another wave of crappy fanart

Because the game was only popular because Markiplier glanced at it, Scott Cawthon decided he could double his money bath by releasing the same guy in a different shade of almond. Except this time, instead of two doors, you get a crappy Halloween mask and a flashlight. And, instead of a power system, there’s the Mario Net, who nags at you if you don’t pay constant attention to her (Just like my Ex!). There’s also the return of Usain Bolt’s dog, who will pounce on you if you don’t  attempt to give him a seizure, and Inragement Child, who’s in Cahoots with Usain Bolt’s dog. Oh, and remember Freddy’s Urine Stained twin brother? He finally has point in this game. Apparently, he was used by some hobo who murdered children for a hobby. That is, that’s what we thought, until…

FNAF EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SPRING

They’re in for a nasty surprise when they make out

Yes, it seems like Mr. Cawthon has found a different shade of Almond to release the game in. This time, you’re 15 minutes in the future with a dead guy with a fursuit. All you really do in this game is make giggle noises to distract Mr. Zombie-Fur. If it were that easy, we’d be done with this game. But no, you still have all the robotic Anthrocon abominations in the form of ghosts and goblins. So everytime you think you got the Yellow Devil in a corner, Phantom of the Furries messes you and your oxygen deprived mind up. Oh yeah, and it turns out the the child murdering hobo actually disguised himself as a yellow bunny rabbit to stuff up the whole crowd. Except, it actually came back to bite him in purple booty, because once he hid in the same bunny costume to trick the kids, he was so caught up in his own “Victory”, that he didn’t notice that costume was caving in and, like the purple dummy he is, he died, without even flipping his final bird. Now, in a perfect,world, this would’ve ended here, but because Scott needed some money for gas, he gave us…

FNAF 4: LAST CHANCE TO DANCE

“The Final Chapter,” they said. “It’ll be cool,” they said.

Yep, he actually did it. Everybody thought that FNAF 3 was the last one, but apparently, Scott had one last shade of Almond in the tank, and was able to Splooge this onto the world. In the “Final” game in the series, You control a little kid who’s brother is such a stereotypical 80s bully that he might as well give the little crap a wedgie and hang him up the flag pole. Oh yeah, and he may or may not be the victim of the Deification of  ’69. I mean Bite of ’87. Anyway, Normally, I’d ramble on about the gameplay, but I already did. I’m not kidding. This is pretty much the same game as the original, With a rabbit and chicken who come in on the right and left doors respectively, A certain Usain Bolt’s dog who’ll rush ya if you don’t constantly check on him, and a bear that- well, Freddy’s mechanic is actually original, but even still, same game. Oh Yeah, and Blah Blah Blah Halloween update.

CONCLUSION

In short, Five Nights at Freddy’s is a story about a man who started from the bottom, and now he’s here. But here’s the question you’ve all been waiting for: Do I like the series or not. Well, I don’t really know, but whenever I talk about FNAF, I refer to this song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1nKR3gYRY8

Happy Belated Halloween.

-Billy